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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23546) - you deserved it (1628)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23057) - you deserved it (1929)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26427) - you deserved it (14029)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23186) - you deserved it (10137)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32721) - you deserved it (6069)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (2060)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21738) - you deserved it (1997)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22987) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

#21450713
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (2891)

On 08/02/2015 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (2993)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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