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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

#1652768
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15152) - you deserved it (92012)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:43am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

#1651760
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13225) - you deserved it (53510)

On 05/05/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by station (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with this cute guy. I mentioned the fact that I'm single. His response, "It'd be awkward, but we can still fuck." FML

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

#1649532
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63231) - you deserved it (4930)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:07am - love - by broke (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

#1649042
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42779) - you deserved it (7206)

On 05/04/2009 at 11:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

#1648033
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8955) - you deserved it (79212)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19595) - you deserved it (43883)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent 4 years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the 4 hour ceremony is too long. FML

#1639625
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71560) - you deserved it (4020)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by strawberrypuff (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (61440)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8549) - you deserved it (98439)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

#1634783
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47404) - you deserved it (16178)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

#1631844
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78236) - you deserved it (6165)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by JessBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25992) - you deserved it (70247)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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