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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23835) - you deserved it (10683)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

#21398482
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (2563)

On 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

#21398399
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32714) - you deserved it (6237)

On 04/23/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

#21398349
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26913) - you deserved it (2138)

On 04/23/2015 at 5:04am - work - by Old and Ugly (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24490) - you deserved it (4973)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

#21398063
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23662) - you deserved it (1836)

On 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm - health - by biomajor99 - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29735) - you deserved it (2101)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML

#21397904
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28508) - you deserved it (2452)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML

#21397889
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32564) - you deserved it (2827)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (2817)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

#21397872
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29927) - you deserved it (5227)

On 04/22/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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