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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

#21513672
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20368) - you deserved it (1219)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:53pm - work - by fritzile - United States (Arizona)

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

#21513595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19064) - you deserved it (2227)

On 01/10/2016 at 2:46pm - love - by BURGERT0WN USA - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

#21513493
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20617) - you deserved it (1409)

On 01/10/2016 at 8:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

#21513478
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19939) - you deserved it (2323)

On 01/10/2016 at 5:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

#21513340
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8996) - you deserved it (72751)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

#21513338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22197) - you deserved it (2199)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:07pm - love - by Jack (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I waited patiently in the airport as my flight was repeatedly delayed. After 5 long hours I approached one of the attendees to discover that the plane had left 5 minutes ago. FML

#21513287
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22130) - you deserved it (3027)

On 01/09/2016 at 6:19pm - misc - by whenlifeisalemon - United States (California)

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

#21513083
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19883) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/09/2016 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

#21513076
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20911) - you deserved it (1177)

On 01/09/2016 at 12:25am - work - by retail can shart a cock - United States

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

#21513021
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20654) - you deserved it (1571)

On 01/08/2016 at 10:09pm - misc - by familypet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

#21512916
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (4268)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:57pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

#21512914
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23570) - you deserved it (2096)

On 01/08/2016 at 4:48pm - love - by fuglymug (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

#21512889
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11343) - you deserved it (19033)

On 01/08/2016 at 3:33pm - love - by hatemylifelol - United States (Michigan)



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