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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

#21376174
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (12286)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:14am - animals - by ilovecharliesheen (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

#21376143
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25792) - you deserved it (45)

On 03/17/2015 at 2:12am - work - by Boss Troubles - United States (California)

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

#21376116
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34507) - you deserved it (55)

On 03/17/2015 at 1:09am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

#21375957
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (3078)

On 03/16/2015 at 8:56pm - health - by manderpander21 - United States (New York)

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

#21375726
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28523) - you deserved it (2276)

On 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by redneckpunk (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

#21375677
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31504) - you deserved it (2172)

On 03/16/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by not a jesse pinkman joke (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

#21375425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31950) - you deserved it (3073)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

#21375288
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31814) - you deserved it (2627)

On 03/15/2015 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by why - United States (Arizona)

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

#21375070
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35189) - you deserved it (2376)

On 03/15/2015 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28966) - you deserved it (7812)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

#21374972
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (2971)

On 03/15/2015 at 10:57am - health - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

#21374802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61) - you deserved it (4141)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:23am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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