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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

#21362525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25658) - you deserved it (1831)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:15am - health - by novaguy - United States

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26738) - you deserved it (4726)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35759) - you deserved it (2794)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

#21361960
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27657) - you deserved it (2037)

On 02/23/2015 at 6:42pm - work - by Confused and Disgusted - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

#21361818
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (2519)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:49pm - misc - by looking4newvenue (woman) - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31144) - you deserved it (5185)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

#21361518
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34519) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/23/2015 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31781) - you deserved it (4520)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44305) - you deserved it (4015)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

#21361049
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29083) - you deserved it (3036)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm - money - by HaliMali (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33791) - you deserved it (7946)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)



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