FMLs submitted from United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

by Fmyapp / 12/02/2009 at 12:58pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

by Project-Mayhem / 12/02/2009 at 5:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

by errrmkl46 / 12/02/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

by j.b. / 12/02/2009 at 12:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

by Bostonian / 12/01/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

by mylifesucks / 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

by reptar2009 / 12/01/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving down a highway during rush-hour. I heard my phone ring and couldn't find it. I bent down to feel around for it and got in an accident and totaled my car. The ringing? A commercial on the radio. Where was my phone? On my dresser at home. FML

by horribledriver / 12/01/2009 at 5:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

by sassman / 12/01/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

by AprilFlowers / 12/01/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous