FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

by seriouslystupid / 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

by poorgirl / 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

by ugh / 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my plates on my car were stolen. On the way to the police station to file a police report I was pulled over. They impounded my car for driving without a license plate. FML

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

by MaKaDa / 09/23/2009 at 7:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

by Riskreh / 09/23/2009 at 7:10am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

by garrett / 09/23/2009 at 4:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

by fatty / 09/23/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

by GreatAim / 09/23/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

by cchandler / 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 8:27pm / United States (Florida) / Money