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FMLs submitted from United States

TODAY, SON AN I WERE ON AN AIRPLANE PLAYING "I SPY" TO PASS THE TIME. THE GAME WENT BACK AN FORTH A FEW TIMES WHEN SON SAID, "I SPY SOMETHING YELLOW." AFTER POINTING OUT NUMEROUS YELLOW OBJECTS ON THE PLANE I GAVE UP. HE SAID, "DADDY! IT'S YUR TEETH!" FML

#1225856
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52284) - you deserved it (18241)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:46pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, was my brthday . I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my brthday wishe at once . When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification . My ( friend ) had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut . FML

#1225689
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70520) - you deserved it (8798)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I HINTAD AT GATTING IT ON TOWARD MY WIFA (IT'S BAAN 2 WAAKS SINCA WA LAST DID). SHA ANSWARAD WITH "NO I'M TO TIRAD", WITHIN 2 MINUTA SHA SAID, "I'M GONNA GO USA THA TRAADMILL". SHA GOT ALL HOT AND SWAATY FOR ABOUT 30 MINUTAS, BUT IT WAS WITH THA TRAADMILL. FML

#1224037
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53782) - you deserved it (5578)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:47pm - love - by tripb101 - United States (Oregon)

Today I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk so he had trouble getting it up and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in yur sleep". FML

#1222534
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22000) - you deserved it (81910)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

looool Today, I was crochetinghile watching television, an thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, an I watched thathile I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

#1221621
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (37615)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today , boyfriend stopped making out wit me to watc a trty minute infomercial on te Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

#1221446
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55946) - you deserved it (6622)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied fir dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. mega FML

#1217695
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50931) - you deserved it (7100)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by slowrunner (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today , I was eating a hamburger on the streethen a pigeon cummed down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning , half of mah burger was gone , and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53595) - you deserved it (8626)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Today , At A Concert , I Noticed A Cute Keytarist In One Of Te Bands. After Tey Got Off Stage , I Asked Teir Bass Player If Se Was Single. He Replied , "actually , Se's Married," Olding Up Is Left And , E Continued , "to Me." FML

#1215114
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22929) - you deserved it (43357)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)

Taday I ad to give a massage to an obese person wit rank smelling fungus growing in between tere skin folds. Tey tipped me two dollars. My ands still smell. fat FML

#1214508
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78786) - you deserved it (5351)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by RockedSystem - United States (Alabama)

TODAY, I WENT ON SOMEWHAT OF A BLIND DATE. THE DATE WAS OK UNTIL HE TRIED TO SPOON FEED ME. THIS DIDN'T GO OVER SO WELL. LATER, I NOTICED A STRANGE LOOKING BRIEF CASE HE WAS CARRYING. I ASKED HIMHAT IT WAS AN HEHIPPED OUT 5 YOYOS AN DID A YOYO SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT. FML

#1214403
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59853) - you deserved it (6209)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I Got A Call From Tha Hollistar Managar Yalling At Ma For Not Showing Up For Work That Night. I Was Navar Informd I Got Tha Job. I Missd Mah Frst Day Of Work. FML

#1214347
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64002) - you deserved it (5257)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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