FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

by bubblensuds1 / 10/28/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

by hey-ooo / 10/27/2009 at 9:15pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

by Kailey / 10/27/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML

by ilovemybrother / 10/27/2009 at 8:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

by dumped / 10/27/2009 at 7:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

by Queen_of_Night / 10/27/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML

by nicolo / 10/27/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

by dave / 10/27/2009 at 11:36am / United States / Transportation

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

by WasFeelingGood / 10/27/2009 at 9:32am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

by kahemae44 / 10/27/2009 at 6:20am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

by Chub / 10/27/2009 at 12:45am / United States (New York) / Kids