FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

by julie / 11/11/2009 at 8:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML

by WhatWentWrong / 11/11/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

by kiwi / 11/11/2009 at 5:10pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, I finished up my physics project. I had to make some thing out of toothpicks and glue that will keep an egg from breaking when dropped 20 feet. It took me 10 hours to make it, but only took my dad 10 seconds to step on it and break it. It's due tomorrow. FML

by Physics fail. / 11/11/2009 at 2:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 15 months broke up with me. Best part? I just picked up an expensive sterling silver ring engraved with Forever and Always for her last week (she knew about this). The other best part? She asked if she could still have it and if she could keep my hamster. FML

by iluvsu504 / 11/11/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

by brokeasajoke / 11/11/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

by Sybil90 / 11/11/2009 at 8:03am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

by Stupidteach / 11/11/2009 at 7:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

by dEpPrEsSeDgIrL / 11/11/2009 at 6:28am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

by Miserable / 11/11/2009 at 2:06am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

by whoawhat / 11/11/2009 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

by Saphira / 11/11/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous