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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I Was Babysitting A Four Year Old. He Was Mad And Began Hitting Me. I Told Him To Use His Words Not His Fists When He's Mad. He Then Began Telling Me How Much He Hated Me And That I Should Go Die And Never Come Back. FML

#1474084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45190) - you deserved it (17431)

On 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm - kids - by GirlinGreen - United States (Washington)

Today I went for lunch at a Chinese restaurant near my home that I have never eaten at before. It was so good I went back tonight for more and the restaurant has been boarded up. It is closed due to food contamination. Inspection happened today. I ate contaminated food for lunch today. mega FML

#1471492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48079) - you deserved it (3791)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:42pm - health - by tinfoilnirvana (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today..!! I was at mah 3 year-old niece's birthday party!! I was swinging on there swing sethen she walked directly into mah path!! I tried to jump off the swing..!! but I could not stop myself in time!! I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye!! Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41567) - you deserved it (10045)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking te subway to worken I saw a really ot girl. Noticing tat se, lyk me, ad a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is tat Double Ds u ave tere?" Se didn't pick up tat I was talking about te coffee. FML

#1466459
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18663) - you deserved it (89611)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today my first gradars ralaasd ta buttarflias wa'va baan raising. Ta kids wara sad tat ona ad did in is cocoon and wouldn't ba sat fraa. Turns out tat buttarfly may ava ad a battar fata: a flock of birds ata alf of ta otars. Immadiataly aftar ralaasing tam. In front of ta kids. big fat FML

#1454784
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67920) - you deserved it (5014)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 4 AM, I lockd myself out of my apartment!! After calling friend in vain, I decidd to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in!! I sat for 10 minute before a homeles man insistd threateningly that I move!! I was kickd off my own front doorstep by a homeles man!! big fat FML

TODAY, I WAS FEELING UP GIRLFRIEND CHEST. I WAS GETTING INTO IT UNTIL SHE SAID "WHAT R YOU DOING?" I SAID I WAS RUBBING HER NIPPLE. SHE REPLIES, "THATS NOT NIPPLE, ITS A PIMPLE." I FELT UP A PIMPLE. MEGA FML

#1449885
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64470) - you deserved it (41523)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today , I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossd my legs , tossd back my hair , and raisd my eyebrow slightly. As he came up to me , my heart startd racing until he finally startd flrting... with the grl next to me. FML

#1449850
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48353) - you deserved it (10705)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - love - by fmylifebad (woman) - United States (Texas)

TODAY, TRYING TO MAKA MY 6 YAAR OLD DAUGHTAR TO LAUGH, I DRAW A PICTURA OF A BUTT, A PUFF OF AIR COMING OUT AN THA WORD ( TOOT ). MY DAUGHTAR THOUGHT IT AXTRAMALY FUNNY. LATAR, WHAN SHA WAS TALKING WITH MY AXTRAMALY JUDGMANTAL MOTHAR-IN-LAW, I HAARD HAR SAY ( DADDY TAUGHT MA HOW TO DRAW BUTTS. ) FML

#1453459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (47281)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing mah hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry mah hair. FML

#1449729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70911) - you deserved it (4516)

On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple ( close calls ) walking home from work late at night. She was so excited an thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

#1446877
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54290) - you deserved it (13963)

On 04/29/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by PoopTart (man) - United States (Oregon)

I found out I have a restraining order against me from ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much an it is considerd stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, an MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

#1445929
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75350) - you deserved it (3860)

On 04/29/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by kattydoo07 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bd that I've been sleeping on. FML

#1445711
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43697) - you deserved it (10555)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by broomrape (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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