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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

#1864532
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58245) - you deserved it (2888)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by TheJoker (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

#1862791
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77475) - you deserved it (6084)

On 05/12/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by Karmas3itch - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

#1861801
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54244) - you deserved it (6870)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

#1861199
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46435) - you deserved it (3156)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Lex (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

#1858879
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50881) - you deserved it (15661)

On 05/11/2009 at 9:25pm - love - by ConnorFails (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into Best Buy to buy a 42" widescreen TV I'd been saving up for many months. As I walked in, a man stopped me and handed me my wallet that I'd accidentally dropped. I thanked him. 5 minutes later at the checkout, I opened up my wallet to realize it was empty. He had stolen everything. FML

#1852747
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51500) - you deserved it (10527)

On 05/11/2009 at 7:14pm - money - by omgfmlhard (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42437) - you deserved it (2638)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

#1845741
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85276) - you deserved it (10022)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

#1845735
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20435) - you deserved it (39208)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by samantha246 - United States (New York)

Today, I bit into a Reese's Cup that had been sitting on my desk for a while. As I did, half of a yellow meal worm fell out and landed in front of me, the other half was in my mouth. It was wiggling. FML

#1845707
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54548) - you deserved it (27669)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Wormy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

#1845673
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50883) - you deserved it (6765)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML

#1844293
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136672) - you deserved it (8907)

On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59901) - you deserved it (3129)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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