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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14385) - you deserved it (42551)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

#5890
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3957) - you deserved it (49753)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:46am - work - by poisonhand (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

#5886
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21814) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/03/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

#5873
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7489) - you deserved it (18863)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:42am - work - by BillLumberg (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML

#5857
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6955) - you deserved it (34566)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

#5836
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13814) - you deserved it (10024)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by wtf - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18853) - you deserved it (4453)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14976) - you deserved it (28205)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

#5776
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13758) - you deserved it (5433)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by wiseoldone - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

#5748
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21498) - you deserved it (2980)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:54pm - love - by myrie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20006) - you deserved it (9162)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41273) - you deserved it (2355)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37044) - you deserved it (322293)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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