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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

#2335998
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54256) - you deserved it (6149)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

#2335982
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18293) - you deserved it (64229)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

#2332017
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63277) - you deserved it (2548)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:50am - animals - by KMROYALShottie (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

#2330424
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59458) - you deserved it (19451)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:06am - love - by sounfair90 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

#2328337
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8012) - you deserved it (81919)

On 05/26/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Ash (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

#2326583
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47465) - you deserved it (7323)

On 05/26/2009 at 10:19pm - work - by bagpipesrkmywrld (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

#2323618
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50762) - you deserved it (3013)

On 05/26/2009 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36927) - you deserved it (265186)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

#2311636
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13551) - you deserved it (105573)

On 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by Wick (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71478) - you deserved it (18509)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

#2304527
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44798) - you deserved it (19723)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:18am - work - by Leo_RxXx (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

#2300896
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17367) - you deserved it (43450)

On 05/26/2009 at 2:10am - love - by Socklessandsmelly (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

#2300061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21352) - you deserved it (37590)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:39am - money - by lostcar (man) - United States (California)



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