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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

#3395753
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53051) - you deserved it (4894)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Liz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

#3395339
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64513) - you deserved it (4417)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

#3389905
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8046) - you deserved it (81819)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:43am - misc - by Sallyfromtheseashore (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

#3389497
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48830) - you deserved it (6631)

On 07/01/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Robert (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

#3386965
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7508) - you deserved it (52135)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

#3386815
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102345) - you deserved it (5949)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

#3384760
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50937) - you deserved it (4217)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:18am - intimacy - by conductingfromthegrave (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

#3383261
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46608) - you deserved it (7267)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:31am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

#3382382
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62150) - you deserved it (2501)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by lawoman27 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

#3380486
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46999) - you deserved it (18141)

On 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16531) - you deserved it (51503)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10324) - you deserved it (110554)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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