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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

#2238808
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51334) - you deserved it (18310)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by untitledentity (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

#2237527
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17089) - you deserved it (52630)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by duhitskelly94 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

#2236513
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16957) - you deserved it (59002)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:44am - misc - by burned (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

#2235853
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54802) - you deserved it (4158)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18133) - you deserved it (142237)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

#2230687
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64786) - you deserved it (12560)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by Imretarded (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12521) - you deserved it (56554)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

#2228533
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98183) - you deserved it (23532)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:14am - love - by noboyfriend (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

#2228534
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18161) - you deserved it (43251)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

#2226575
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53568) - you deserved it (8868)

On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

#2223599
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39531) - you deserved it (3521)

On 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44703) - you deserved it (13818)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

#2214094
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37043) - you deserved it (3243)

On 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm - work - by jend (woman) - United States (Florida)



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