FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me. She assumed that I bought him a PS3 for Christmas, and she and the rest of his family have only purchased him games to go with it. The thing is, I already got him an expensive gift. Now, I have to scramble to come up with the money to get this for him instead, and save the coat I bought for his birthday. FML

by countrygirl0118 / 12/17/2009 at 5:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

by chill / 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

by ollierocks96 / 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

by gotthewrongman / 12/17/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

by Mike / 12/17/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

by Interview tragedy / 12/17/2009 at 10:46am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

by turriblebday / 12/17/2009 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

by gettingacat / 12/17/2009 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my sister-in-law told me calmly that she never cared for me, likes her brother's ex more than me, and probably will always dislike me. It was our first serious conversation ever, that I initiated because I wanted to "maintain our great friendship." FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2009 at 7:49am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2009 at 2:25am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

by life_suxxx / 12/17/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous