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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

#5793907
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28817) - you deserved it (6582)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

#5792064
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33754) - you deserved it (4256)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:38am - work - by Undercover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30703) - you deserved it (3732)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

#5790955
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34762) - you deserved it (3829)

On 10/12/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

#5789992
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14071) - you deserved it (53863)

On 10/12/2009 at 1:36am - animals - by bubbles (woman) - United States

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

#5786239
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39753) - you deserved it (3978)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36163) - you deserved it (12325)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23320) - you deserved it (2107)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

#5781865
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29173) - you deserved it (3206)

On 10/11/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by washed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42974) - you deserved it (12456)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

#5775880
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47647) - you deserved it (3545)

On 10/11/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by cbarebo (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41067) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

#5774015
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:53am - love - by Oh_Well (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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