FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

by anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

by Duped / 11/27/2009 at 3:09am / United States (California) / Love

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

by fml...really / 11/27/2009 at 2:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

by anniecook / 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

by jaeilssanguh / 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

by LonelyLoner / 11/26/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

by HeSaysImNoBeard / 11/26/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

by disney / 11/26/2009 at 11:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous