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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

#5886386
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22430) - you deserved it (16790)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:38pm - work - by moduschic (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

#5878070
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (15479)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by Xia (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

#5877463
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52728) - you deserved it (5345)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:32am - misc - by omgwtf (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23868) - you deserved it (2432)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17911) - you deserved it (35619)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

#5875952
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8639) - you deserved it (22872)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

#5872159
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46456) - you deserved it (3586)

On 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm - love - by userrrrr - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

#5869946
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16461) - you deserved it (41067)

On 10/17/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by Lovenotes (woman) - United States

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

#5867673
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37925) - you deserved it (2511)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

#5865685
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42241) - you deserved it (7528)

On 10/17/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by AdriBAMF - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

#5865108
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36052) - you deserved it (5127)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML

#5865096
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9857) - you deserved it (44748)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm - love - by Ohgreat (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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