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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

#21514032
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18505) - you deserved it (1300)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

#21514013
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16049) - you deserved it (20118)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:04pm - love - by lonely - United States (Idaho)

 Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

#21513970
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/11/2016 at 1:03pm - misc - by JoseIsAdork (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my crush of a few years likes me. How? Her boyfriend told me, followed by a punch in the face. FML

#21513961
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22818) - you deserved it (1656)

On 01/11/2016 at 12:21pm - love - by anon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

#21513863
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (1869)

On 01/11/2016 at 4:12am - misc - by heart of cold - United States

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

#21513803
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19298) - you deserved it (2097)

On 01/11/2016 at 12:28am - misc - by TheMike23 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

#21513672
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (1218)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:53pm - work - by fritzile - United States (Arizona)

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

#21513595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19060) - you deserved it (2226)

On 01/10/2016 at 2:46pm - love - by BURGERT0WN USA - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

#21513493
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20615) - you deserved it (1408)

On 01/10/2016 at 8:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

#21513478
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19935) - you deserved it (2322)

On 01/10/2016 at 5:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

#21513340
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8994) - you deserved it (72728)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

#21513338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22195) - you deserved it (2198)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:07pm - love - by Jack (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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