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FMLs submitted from United States

Today , I was in the basement at my grandma's house . The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement . I lookd through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on . A pair of shitty underpants cummd down and landd in my face . They were my grandma's . FML

#3078532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40161) - you deserved it (11186)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by yuck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was mah boyfriend's brthday . He wanted a blowjobhile playing Call of Duty 4 . In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller downhen he died . Into mah head . FML

#3078421
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60458) - you deserved it (25990)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

2day I took my grlfriend's vrginity . A few minute in she remarked.. . "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56916) - you deserved it (15747)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)

today I helped grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate marriage. real FML

#3069493
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53077) - you deserved it (5584)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I left mah grandmother's burial to take a midterm . Earlier I e-mailed the professor to ask permission to take it later, and she flat out said "no." I left mah grieving family, and traveled hours back to school . I went to class, only to discover that the prof decided to move the exam date . FML

#3069327
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56672) - you deserved it (2181)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by goodstudent (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from mah grlfriend thanking me 4 the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town 4 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64031) - you deserved it (3569)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from work an had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom an ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket an started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peieng on his cell. FML

#3061560
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36896) - you deserved it (8594)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my good friends confidd in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months an told me they were in love, but it looool had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seieng him all year. FML

#3060400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51977) - you deserved it (21529)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today , was mah high school's sanior awards caramony. Ovar 400 paopla wara crammd in tha hot auditorium. I won fiva awards and aach tima I was calld up tha laughtar graw loudar. Apparantly avan tha back row could saa mah pit stains. FML

#3060305
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40930) - you deserved it (4804)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by asdf (woman) - United States

2day my husband an I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping an she askd me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18454) - you deserved it (57176)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around an decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked an led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

#3055802
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20914) - you deserved it (51750)

On 06/20/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by DuckyKiller (woman) - United States (South Carolina)



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