FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

by mmvv / 02/08/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Love

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

by Hm / 02/07/2010 at 11:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

by zzdug / 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

by 16seconds / 02/07/2010 at 8:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

by grrrr / 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

by GymnasticsQueen / 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

by jake / 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

by mrmr / 02/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

by bystander / 02/07/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

by Mackdaddy / 02/07/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML

by HitbyIce / 02/07/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

by mike / 02/07/2010 at 2:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love