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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

#6296267
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (6216)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by ZINGER (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

#6293770
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23332) - you deserved it (3107)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by taurus05 (woman) - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

#6290019
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35354) - you deserved it (2920)

On 11/13/2009 at 5:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

#6289150
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you deserved it (2029)

On 11/13/2009 at 4:23pm - misc - by 205 - United States

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

#6288438
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42064) - you deserved it (3887)

On 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm - kids - by notateen (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

#6287629
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26485) - you deserved it (4927)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

#6287406
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (3693)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:34pm - animals - by PuppyLove2009 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12037) - you deserved it (52091)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

#6285234
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28748) - you deserved it (6361)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

#6283772
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (6780)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:14am - love - by rejectedmidair (man) - United States (California)

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

#6283712
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (2222)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by butch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

#6283457
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36379) - you deserved it (2101)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by mynameis (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

#6283221
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46072) - you deserved it (2884)

On 11/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by ournhd (man) - United States (California)



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