FMLs submitted from United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

by mcdman / 01/19/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

by pictureperfect678 / 01/18/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

by SadMan / 01/18/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

by Crissylove10 / 01/18/2010 at 3:12pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

by burnedboy / 01/18/2010 at 2:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML

by Sam / 01/18/2010 at 12:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 mins of him describing how beautiful she is and how much we look alike and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

by Mills / 01/18/2010 at 6:49am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

by Radioo / 01/18/2010 at 4:00am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

by toolegittoquit / 01/18/2010 at 3:28am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

by Nissan_David / 01/18/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous