Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Yesterday, mah girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt mah girlfriend. real FML

#3484345
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54020) - you deserved it (5200)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by BrokenHearted (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband an I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter an cummed out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53299) - you deserved it (23700)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today , My Boyfriend And I Were Having Phone Sex . It Got Very Wild And Soon Was Interruptd By A Knock On My Door . My Dad Had Come Home Early From Work , And Heard Thehole Thing . He Demandd My Boyfriend To Come Over , And He Had A Sex Talk With Him On The Couch In Front Of Thehole Family . Fat FML

#3483555
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45489) - you deserved it (21193)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by twintowers (woman) - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning car inside and out, I ad to pick up broteren is truck died in te mountains, on a drt road!! He was drunk!! I now ave a car covered in mud and filled wit vomit!! fat FML

#3483352
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35041) - you deserved it (2662)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, mah dad woke me up by shaking me an saying ( If your not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a frecracker in your room. ) Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a frecracker in the house, much less mah room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

#3479922
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19104) - you deserved it (38490)

On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I checked my voicemail . I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend,ho was vacationing in Florida . I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message . mega FML

#3478288
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59151) - you deserved it (2884)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by hangup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

yesterday I fell asleephile lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get attention 4 five minutes. mega FML

#3477927
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5773) - you deserved it (62317)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

#3477913
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47870) - you deserved it (2181)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by hot_mess88 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Yesterday, I woke up finding myself violently humping mah pillow. My mom recordd it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63000) - you deserved it (12222)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today mah boyfriend returnd from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane I imagind him running to me an kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer an closer an as I opend mah arms to embrace him he runs past me saying "BRB I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

#3472091
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53852) - you deserved it (9730)

On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I WAS COMING HOMA FROM A DATA, I SAW MY AX STANDING IN MY DRIVA-WAY!! HA HAD DUMPAD MA 2 MONTHS AGO SAYING HA COULDN'T TALK MA!! TO MAKA HIM JAALOUS, I MADA OUT WITH MY NAW GUY BAFORA GRAATING HIM!! TURNS OUT HA COULDN'T TALK TO MA BACAUSA HA HAD HAD CANCAR AND HAD BAAN AFRAID TO TALL MA!! FML

#3469762
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16733) - you deserved it (71302)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Foster_Em - United States (Ohio)

Today.. . mah mother textd mehile I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on mah way home looool . When I askd her y she explaind that she and mah dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open . What an image .

#3469225
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37871) - you deserved it (3176)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by Grossedouttt - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I WAS DRIVING WITH A FRIENDHEN WE SAW A WALLET IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS NEIGHBORHOOD ROAD!! WHEN WE PICKED IT UP, WE SAW IT WAS LOADED WITH CASH!! WE DROVE TO THE MANS HOUSE TO RETURN THE WALLET, ANDHEN WE HANDED IT TO HIM HE TOLD US "I WOULD GIVE YOU A REWARD BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY CASH." FML

#3465989
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44043) - you deserved it (5208)

On 07/03/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by Hayls5 (woman) - United States (Georgia)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: