FMLs submitted from United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

by rkl2010 / 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

by nick_of_time / 05/23/2010 at 10:23am / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

by Maxie-Nathanial / 05/23/2010 at 5:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

by Around / 05/23/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

by gpistas / 05/23/2010 at 2:08am / United States / Health

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

by *sigh* / 05/22/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML

by ChubbyAmerican / 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

by lashless / 05/22/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

by poncho31 / 05/22/2010 at 4:08am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

by guyshithappensto / 05/21/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

by Jlipka / 05/21/2010 at 10:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 8:19pm / United States / Love