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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today , I was just about to get in the shower , when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself , boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought , my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML

#4251731
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45227) - you deserved it (2097)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by Jaybird1587 - United States (New Jersey)

Today I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

#4247689
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68379) - you deserved it (3982)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a wedding with family . While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, mom and I startd talking about how lame her speech was . When I turnd around to look at mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her . FML

#4247203
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8903) - you deserved it (42109)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

2day I decidd to visit my girlfriend wo lives 20 ours away. Four Rd Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving alfway across te country to find your girlfriend in bd wit anoter guy? FML

Today, I finally decidd to tell mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and huggd me. She kept saying, ( Thank god, thank god. ) At first I was relievd. Then she said, ( I thought you were just getting fat. ) FML

#4244213
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46723) - you deserved it (4245)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

2day I finishd my intarnship working in a govarnmant lab. I got paid $4000 4 tha summar. I was talking to my cousin , who said that whan ha workd as a carnia last summar ha mada $8000. I gat paid half as much 4 doing rasaarch as a carnia doas 4 sarving paopla sno-conas. big fat FML

#4241415
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34478) - you deserved it (5098)

On 08/02/2009 at 10:40pm - money - by arghhh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as my son carrid the cage with live food 4 his pet lizards up the stars, I heard the sound of 2,500 babby crickets escaping.

#4239314
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47548) - you deserved it (6020)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was working in mah stora. Right around closing, a lady cummad in to try soma things on. I want to tha back anhan I cummad out, sha was standing in tha middla of tha room with fluid coming from batwaan har lags. I askad har if sha was going into labor. Sha wasn't. Sha was paaing. raal FML

#4238671
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52783) - you deserved it (2322)

On 08/02/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by amburrr (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

MY 250 LB EX-MARINE DAD ANNOUNCED HE WAS GOING TO START RANDOMLY PUNCHING ME IN THE CROTCH , WITHOUT WARNING , TO "IMPROVE MAH REFLEXES." FML

#4235904
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64763) - you deserved it (5271)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Taday my brother's best friend spent the night an was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot an as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face an told my parents. FML

#4235040
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14176) - you deserved it (119833)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today , I sold a customer some beer. He ten asked to see te manager , an told me e was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic an curse aloud , before realizing e was balding , tootless , probably 50 , certainly not a cop , an lauging at me 4 being suc a gullible moron. FML

#4231879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12886) - you deserved it (50316)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today I was working shift at a fancy restaurant an it had been a really hard day. My parent came in to have dinner an surprise me. After paying they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way no tip cuz u stink at serving." real FML

#4231634
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41967) - you deserved it (6557)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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