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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37382) - you deserved it (2570)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

#6778697
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44492) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

#6775811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10713) - you deserved it (28698)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by ohhi_itsme123 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

#6773242
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29348) - you deserved it (4454)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

#6772428
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33461) - you deserved it (3284)

On 12/16/2009 at 12:15am - health - by RazorBumps (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32706) - you deserved it (7509)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML

#6768008
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9112) - you deserved it (28592)

On 12/15/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by BlueMouth (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's crazy ex, who let herself in with her old key. She screamed at me to get out of "her" bed, snatched "her" blanket off of my body, and finally dragged the bed itself out the door. I was still in it. FML

Today, I called my boyfriend upset because my best friend has begun stripping to pay for school. His response was, "Where and what time does she work?" FML

#6765216
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33568) - you deserved it (8551)

On 12/15/2009 at 4:49pm - love - by notcool (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

#6764410
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26488) - you deserved it (2998)

On 12/15/2009 at 1:18pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

#6764357
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26295) - you deserved it (3784)

On 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm - work - by psychworker - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

#6763164
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8795) - you deserved it (32130)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

#6762994
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you deserved it (4656)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:49am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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