FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

by bcoper / 02/20/2010 at 9:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

by jo / 02/20/2010 at 5:47am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

by rimjob / 02/20/2010 at 5:36am / United States / Transportation

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

by deadandwasted / 02/20/2010 at 3:20am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

by fatflabbyfail / 02/20/2010 at 1:09am / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

by VahnSeiro / 02/20/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

by izhamilton / 02/20/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

by monochromatic / 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

by beezybees / 02/19/2010 at 8:54pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

by ouch / 02/19/2010 at 7:37pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

by lexiiiiiiweee / 02/19/2010 at 5:00pm / United States / Health

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 3:36pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids