FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

by BadGirlfriend12 / 07/29/2010 at 10:29pm / United States / Love

Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found a naked picture of myself. Too bad I haven't sent him any. Ever. FML

by / 07/29/2010 at 2:28pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

by pandaboo / 07/29/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

by Andre / 07/29/2010 at 6:56am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I came home from vacation to discover that one of my friends had broken into my house, painted my room a hideous color, ruined my hardwood floors with the paint, and left huge mess for me to clean. When I confronted her about it, she called me ungrateful. Everyone I know agrees with her. FML

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend's spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

by tonirene / 07/29/2010 at 3:21am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

by GGimabeast / 07/29/2010 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

by runandmope / 07/28/2010 at 11:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

by tryon777 / 07/28/2010 at 8:40pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

by 34_22_34 / 07/28/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head "no" at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson's Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

by RWW / 07/28/2010 at 1:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, my live-in girlfriend and I broke up. She told me she can't leave because she has nowhere to go. I'm stuck with her until she finds a job and an apartment. FML