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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

#1287200
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30283) - you deserved it (16095)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by papergirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

#1285510
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8267) - you deserved it (54359)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

#1284518
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49944) - you deserved it (3816)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:41am - work - by jcstpierre (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (9220)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

#1283810
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59767) - you deserved it (3146)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:18am - love - by sad (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

#1283186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52362) - you deserved it (6669)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by avanti (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies,"Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

#1283082
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40482) - you deserved it (3867)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by dontaskdonttell (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (56496)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML

#1280200
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53872) - you deserved it (2661)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:36am - work - by Idiocracy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

#1278797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37337) - you deserved it (4795)

On 04/23/2009 at 11:53pm - misc - by NoFightResponse (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

#1268284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16563) - you deserved it (48064)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

#1259995
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26092) - you deserved it (67970)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by gabormelchior (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

#1259883
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30804) - you deserved it (21043)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by NotAmericanIdol (woman) - United States (New York)



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