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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

#6190811
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30227) - you deserved it (2269)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:36am - money - by Tipless (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

#6190781
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32643) - you deserved it (2677)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:34am - love - by achoooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

#6186219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (6153)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

#6185780
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7685) - you deserved it (42624)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

#6185536
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26583) - you deserved it (10198)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

#6185222
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30364) - you deserved it (6065)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:14pm - work - by CoffeeBoy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

#6184737
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (2410)

On 11/06/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by imsad (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

#6183343
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33367) - you deserved it (5236)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:36pm - love - by Her (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

#6182274
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29547) - you deserved it (4999)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

#6182229
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25874) - you deserved it (2028)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:37pm - work - by chiraag87 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

#6181842
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36315) - you deserved it (2985)

On 11/06/2009 at 12:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

#6180723
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24293) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/06/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by kernelkat (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27877) - you deserved it (5146)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)



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