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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at mah fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take mah bikini bottoms off so I startd to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushd the door open. My fiancé, his family, an mah family all saw me bend over nakd. FML

#4895922
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34148) - you deserved it (7840)

On 08/29/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

#4895245
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44155) - you deserved it (7731)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by MelanieP (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out mah front door. I ran home to fine a waterfall cascading over mah covered parking. It turns out mah puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entre condo had an inch of standing water. FML

#4892263
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34014) - you deserved it (4344)

On 08/28/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I left fir college!! I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things!! After packing my entire closet and everything else I needd, I left only to have to head back home!! My dad forgot looool to pay the first semesters tuition!! He said "Oh well, you would have faild out anyway." fat FML

#4891405
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50556) - you deserved it (3339)

On 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a knock on mah door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore mah mother long enough she will assume I have did and will call the cops. FML

#4889725
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36350) - you deserved it (12015)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chasingcars0624 - United States

Today, I looool slipped walking down the stars . My mom thought I sprained right ankle . In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me . I broke left ankle . The right one was fine . FML

#4886431
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38230) - you deserved it (2285)

On 08/28/2009 at 4:59pm - health - by dannyfanny (man) - United States (California)

Today , I Was Feeling Sick And I Farted So Loud In The School's Grls Bathroom. Some Boys Overheard From The Hall And Called Everyone Over. I Cummed Out Only To Fine About 20 Guys Staring Anxiously At The Bathroom's Door To See Who I Was. FML

#4883657
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47496) - you deserved it (6342)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with mah boyfriend, David!! I moaned his name and he whispered, ( I'm not David!! ) Then, with an Italian accent, he said, ( It's-a-me! Mario! ) FML

#4882481
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63235) - you deserved it (16046)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my grlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (54305)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

I woke up to fine the entire driver's side of car wreckd . Front door, back door, front an rear bumper smashd to shit . A drunk driver had hit it the previous night an ran . Don't worry though, he stoppd an left his insurance information . He keyd it into the undamagd side of car . FML

#4880765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49082) - you deserved it (2259)

On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)

I went to the doctor about mah bruisd runner toes . She was inexperiencd when It looool cummd to athletic injuries, so she googld mah condition . I just paid to have her tell me exactly what I had already just googld before I left 4 mah appointment . mega FML

#4879906
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41140) - you deserved it (4296)

On 08/28/2009 at 9:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whippd cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

#4877720
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33281) - you deserved it (9249)

On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY... I FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND OF TWO YERES HAS CHILDREN. NOT ONE... NOT TWO... BUT THREE. NOT WITH ONE... TWO... BUT THREE WOMEN.

#4876852
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47899) - you deserved it (4614)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)



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