FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

by arose / 09/08/2010 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

by drew / 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

by Ashley / 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

by speedstick / 09/07/2010 at 11:36am / United States / Health

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 6:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

by slingshot / 09/07/2010 at 1:53am / United States / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 1:00am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

by Today / 09/06/2010 at 10:26pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

by newdad / 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

by BrokebyKids / 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Kids