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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through roof. FML

#5040554
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43750) - you deserved it (1915)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by 1ndustrytx (man) - United States (Texas)

TODAY... I WAS TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT WHEN I HAVE KIDS. I TOLD HER I MAY WANT TWO OR THREE. SHE IMMEDIATELY CUT ME OFF AN TOLD ME TO STICK TO ONE... AN THAT ANY MORE THAN THAT WILL BE A BURDEN. I AM THE SECOND BORN CHILD OF MY FAMILY. FML

#5035693
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38310) - you deserved it (3349)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by pandabear93 - United States (Arizona)

Today... while riding in the car with mah friends... we stopped at a red light. To our left... a very obese... middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers fir the duration of the red light. FML

#5034499
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45347) - you deserved it (5133)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today,hile giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud farthile they took some notes. I cummd back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wreless mic on. FML

#5033555
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14396) - you deserved it (42168)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after taking a sower, I noticed a weird noise and asked ma usband about it . "I tink it's in te walls," I told im . After careful inspection, e simply turned off te electric razor I ad just used to save ma legs and gave me 'tat' look . I ad beaten im in an IQ test not 24 ours prior . FML

#5031923
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6083) - you deserved it (38838)

On 09/03/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by nottililgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today I skippd class to take the girl I like to the airport an after giving her a goodbye hug I kissd her on the cheek. She laughd an said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

#5030993
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40430) - you deserved it (7310)

On 09/03/2009 at 10:47pm - love - by strikeout (man) - United States (Texas)

today girlfriend called me an told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her cuz she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus an hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

#5029285
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49385) - you deserved it (2919)

On 09/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Wow (man) - United States

TODAY, MY GIRLFRIEND REACHD INTO MY POCKET TO GET MY KEYS SO SHE COULD GET SOMETHING OUT OF MY CAR . WHEN SHE YANKD THEM OUT, THE CONDOM THAT WE JUST USD FLEW UP INTO THE AIR AND LANDD ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER ENTIRE FAMILY . FAT FML

#5023089
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13652) - you deserved it (55406)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm - misc - by Co-B (man) - United States (South Carolina)

TODAY, I DISCOVERED THE GUY THAT SITS NEXT TO ME IN CLASS IS ACTUALLY A GRL. NOT ONLY IS THAT BAD, BUT WE HAD TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT EACH OTHER. I USED THE WORDS "HIM" AN "HE", AN READ IT TO THE WHOLE CLASS. FML

#5022453
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26131) - you deserved it (38464)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today , I tried to was cat in te sower , conveniently naked myself. He disapproved , scratcing man-parts an nicking a vien. I just got back from te ospital wit a blood infection , swollen nuts , an an ole in buttere I ad to get a sot of antibiotics. FML

#5021908
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15453) - you deserved it (65910)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I askd him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punchd me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. big fat FML

#5021178
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56356) - you deserved it (21797)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today I went to see favorite band in concert . Wen te sow was over I got te cance to meet tem . Wen I met te guitarist and told im name e recognized me . To disappointment it was as te facebook creeper . FML

#5021143
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10168) - you deserved it (46915)

On 09/03/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by creeper - United States (Oklahoma)

2day I saw ma boyfriand aftar not saaing im fir 7 monts. During tis tima I ava lost a lot of waigt and am proud of it. My boyfriand didn't say anyting about ta lost waigt. Wan wa wara alona and tings startad to aat up... a took off ma bra and said "I tink your tits ara smallar." FML

#5020137
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48612) - you deserved it (4759)

On 09/03/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by LosTits (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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