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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

I told my parent that all I wanted fir my 18th brthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC fir a nice dinner!! My parent denied me saying that it would cost too much money!! I come home today to see my parent had bought a huge plasma screen TV fir $800!! We already have 3 tv's!! big fat FML

#5106041
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42650) - you deserved it (3893)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:16pm - money - by AH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decidd I would finally get up and wed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decidd to jump in the pool, with all my clothe on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry startd to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14085) - you deserved it (51508)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

#5098537
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67515) - you deserved it (6159)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by BoredRunner42 - United States (California)

Today, at mah grlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candle everywhere, scented the air an placed rose petal all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic an loving. The frst thing she said when she saw all this was ( uggg I have to clean all this up ). FML

#5097927
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40810) - you deserved it (4927)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took a look at mah boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps 4 the past three months. FML

#5097909
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73092) - you deserved it (4415)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today.. . I found out that I was denid 4 work study eligibility by my college . I went to my financial advisor to ask why . It wasn't my grades or attendance . Apparently my father makes too much money 4 me to get a job at the school . My dad was fird 3 months ago an has been out of work since . FML

#5096534
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39216) - you deserved it (2247)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:04am - work - by SapphireRaven (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I lerend that you looool can pierce your balls . However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out . FML

#5096341
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49002) - you deserved it (6551)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Ballshurt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, mah girlfriand's family cummad ovar and I thought it would ba fun to watch old family vidaos of whan I was a kid. A faw minutas into mah 5th birthday party, I axcusad mysalf and want to grab soma snacks fir avaryona. I raturnad to raaliza I had racordad porn ovar mah family vidaos. fat FML

#5087899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7809) - you deserved it (61769)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today , mah friend and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petal at mah friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

#5087791
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15523) - you deserved it (47596)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, My Mom Noticed The Hickey That I Have On My Neck . Embarrassed, I Tried Convincing Her That I Burnt Myself Using A Hair Straightener . She Then Told Me That That's The Same Excuse She Told My Grandmahen She Got A Hickey . FML

#5086359
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11815) - you deserved it (43149)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

2day my husband asked me fir permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73330) - you deserved it (6311)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for te first time. His aunt said I was really cute, wic made me appy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt tougt I was cute." His reply..."Yea, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

#5086042
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (3803)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm - love - by me (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went on a busy train . I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window . After feeling a hand on mah ass, I assumed it was her . To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back . After a few stops, I looked back . It was an old man . FML

#5085622
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34370) - you deserved it (11432)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)



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