FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

by jennavankirk / 07/22/2010 at 7:08pm / United States / Love

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

by Nic / 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

by GuardOtto / 07/22/2010 at 10:48am / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 2:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my husband was trying to cheat on me while I was away at basic training. I signed up for the service to pay off his debt. FML

by Jessi / 07/21/2010 at 3:32pm / United States / Love

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

by blank / 07/21/2010 at 9:52am / United States / Health

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

by jjjjjjmmmmm92 / 07/20/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

by Ohshucks! / 07/20/2010 at 3:01pm / United States / Love

Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML

by brentkd / 07/20/2010 at 12:34pm / United States / Animals

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

by Ugh... / 07/20/2010 at 4:15am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy