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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

#6179054
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27154) - you deserved it (5056)

On 11/06/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ShittyKeys (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

#6177854
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32826) - you deserved it (2360)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by ForgottenKid (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told his best friend to text my sister telling her to tell me that he was breaking up with me. FML

#6177758
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31172) - you deserved it (2734)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

#6177742
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32104) - you deserved it (6850)

On 11/06/2009 at 1:05am - health - by sadparty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

#6175631
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28309) - you deserved it (16699)

On 11/05/2009 at 10:43pm - work - by supervisor (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

#6172287
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25773) - you deserved it (6796)

On 11/05/2009 at 7:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

#6169952
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56470) - you deserved it (3006)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

#6166961
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32813) - you deserved it (3922)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

#6166874
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37393) - you deserved it (4880)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:20pm - love - by z (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

#6166479
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (2534)

On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

#6165427
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38981) - you deserved it (6436)

On 11/05/2009 at 9:22am - health - by HairyBoobs (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

#6164155
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29174) - you deserved it (5910)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:12am - love - by scumbag (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

#6163003
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33599) - you deserved it (5182)

On 11/05/2009 at 1:41am - love - by dumper - United States



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