FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

by yessssir / 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

by yayaimannoying / 03/08/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the purity ring I lost a year ago. Too bad I lost my virginity 4 months ago. FML

by BNLM / 03/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

by justpeachy / 03/08/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

by Kristopher / 03/08/2010 at 2:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

by xXxtwilightLUV95xXx / 03/08/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

by anonymous / 03/08/2010 at 10:12am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

by sleepy2010 / 03/08/2010 at 9:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2010 at 9:35am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

by what434 / 03/08/2010 at 8:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

by dream_girl_3 / 03/08/2010 at 4:37am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

by raidered / 03/08/2010 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous