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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23118) - you deserved it (2079)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27123) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

#21453118
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21116) - you deserved it (4961)

On 08/07/2015 at 11:16am - work - by not telling you my name (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

#21453104
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (3115)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:27am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fed my 4ft python a live rat for the first time. He now has a new friend he won't let me near. FML

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

#21452906
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (2032)

On 08/06/2015 at 8:29pm - work - by Chesty Larue - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

#21452873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21713) - you deserved it (5724)

On 08/06/2015 at 7:14pm - love - by Stinky and Single - United States

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

#21452786
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25320) - you deserved it (2644)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by ugly duckling - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

#21452734
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21198) - you deserved it (2687)

On 08/06/2015 at 1:28pm - kids - by gross - United States

Today, I discovered that I am just tall enough and my hair is just long enough, to get caught in the ceiling fan if I flip it over to dry it. FML

#21452688
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (2545)

On 08/06/2015 at 11:18am - misc - by Lilo4life - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

#21452638
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24837) - you deserved it (2177)

On 08/06/2015 at 6:50am - money - by Full Stomach Empty Wallet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

#21452616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22006) - you deserved it (1690)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - health - by ithinkimturningjapanese - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

#21452615
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26826) - you deserved it (1656)

On 08/06/2015 at 4:33am - work - by anonymous - United States (California)



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