FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

by Kim422 / 06/28/2010 at 2:18am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

by Matt / 06/27/2010 at 2:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

by ac13 / 06/27/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

by DaddyZ / 06/27/2010 at 9:30am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

by Daniel / 06/27/2010 at 3:43am / United States / Work

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

by anyomous / 06/25/2010 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I tried giving myself a bikini wax for the first time, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do it right. Now I'm laying on my couch with a wet rag and ice inbetween my legs. FML

by HaleyDrew08 / 06/25/2010 at 11:17pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

by cduttl1230 / 06/25/2010 at 8:30pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

by SMS123 / 06/25/2010 at 3:42pm / United States / Love

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

by noname / 06/25/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 12:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous