FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

by Chester (Seattle) / 09/08/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 9:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

by WTF?!?! / 09/08/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

by undoable / 09/08/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

by onthemarket / 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

by jrad / 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my tattoo artist about how my girlfriend broke up with me. She had also gotten her tattoos from him, so they had talked quite a bit. He told me she had been cheating on me with her ex for two and a half months. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose business. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2010 at 4:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

by dom / 09/08/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

by bustedfornuthin / 09/08/2010 at 12:42am / United States (New Mexico) / Transportation

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

by arose / 09/08/2010 at 12:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 10:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work