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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

#7898560
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12094) - you deserved it (33692)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:33am - health - by Holly - United States

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

#7897193
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31471) - you deserved it (3372)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

#7897076
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (30192)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

#7884126
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (2866)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:47pm - kids - by luciaspiano (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

#7883509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23302) - you deserved it (12969)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by stoopidpoop (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

#7876927
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25980) - you deserved it (3183)

On 02/04/2010 at 1:53pm - misc - by Ewwwwww - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

#7876510
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (4676)

On 02/04/2010 at 1:28pm - love - by Minabee (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25763) - you deserved it (3410)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

#7870282
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29077) - you deserved it (7591)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

#7868479
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31239) - you deserved it (2406)

On 02/04/2010 at 1:34am - misc - by city_girl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

#7865579
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26760) - you deserved it (2792)

On 02/04/2010 at 12:02am - work - by FMJoblessL (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

#7858295
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38717) - you deserved it (3789)

On 02/03/2010 at 9:17pm - love - by dracer (woman) - United States (New York)



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