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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school, that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

#5706276
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38850) - you deserved it (4021)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

#5705668
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36508) - you deserved it (4712)

On 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by pennyhater (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

#5703521
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39591) - you deserved it (3434)

On 10/07/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

#5703197
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7306) - you deserved it (48662)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20632) - you deserved it (2889)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

#5698793
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28681) - you deserved it (9053)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:25am - misc - by 1000dollarspoor - United States (California)

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

#5698254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24476) - you deserved it (11571)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:57am - animals - by ScaryOldMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

#5697763
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47144) - you deserved it (10925)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28847) - you deserved it (5916)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

#5695296
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39443) - you deserved it (2844)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:12am - money - by armenta427 (man) - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37812) - you deserved it (3590)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53605) - you deserved it (2569)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)



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