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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, during gym class, mah teacher insisted that everyone should relieve some stres by throwing a basketball at the wall !! I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach !! I began to vomit uncontrollably !! Even mah teacher laughed !! FML

#5315969
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38935) - you deserved it (9433)

On 09/17/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by sara (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms an a vibrating ring I turn around to see mah ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly an puttd mah head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad an send mah 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23327) - you deserved it (6131)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

Taday mah girlfriend an I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to mah girlfriend she was crying an told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy an poured mah beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room fir a guy in a wheelchair. FML

#5313316
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12381) - you deserved it (50814)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by nV1ous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today... my professor informed me tat if I didn't "sow more commitment" to my coral ensemble e would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures r a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

#5312415
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34737) - you deserved it (2455)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:32pm - health - by OutOfLuck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today... I got my wisdom taath pullad. Apparantly tha madicinas don't work on ma. I woka up in tha middla of tha surgary an falt EVERYTHING. Ona of tha nursas askad if I was okay... an tha doctor just kapt saying "Don't worry sha's just draaming"...hila taars wara pouring down my faca. FML

#5310529
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53077) - you deserved it (2278)

On 09/17/2009 at 10:31am - health - by NoPainNoGain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was running late for work . As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over mah own feet, fall off the front porch, an key mah new car . real FML

#5309799
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30157) - you deserved it (6785)

On 09/17/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by Masey (woman) - United States

Today , While Mah 18 Pound Cat Was On The Edge Of The Tub Watching Me Shower , He Fell In. Apparently , In His Mind , The Best Way To Get Away From The Water Is To Climb Mah Bare Legs. Big Fat FML

#5309317
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36634) - you deserved it (5384)

On 09/17/2009 at 7:14am - animals - by HHIChica (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan 4 me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would . I got screwed over financially because of her . FML

#5308756
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30591) - you deserved it (8785)

On 09/17/2009 at 5:32am - money - by MochiMomoChan (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was diagnosd with diabetes . I went to tell my grandpa,ho immediately said, ( I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up . ) FML

#5307828
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40104) - you deserved it (3413)

On 09/17/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today..!! after expressing some of mah reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish mah thesis on time..!! mah graduate advisor compared mah search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway"!! FML

#5307387
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20366) - you deserved it (3643)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:15am - work - by Economess (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11993) - you deserved it (50347)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, I TRIED TO WAKE MY USBAND UP IN TE MIDDLE OF TE NIGT BY KISSING IM DEEPLY AND MASSAGING IS NECK AND SOULDERS. HE OPENS IS EYES, LOOKS AT ME, SAYS "NO", AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP. FML

#5306041
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17364) - you deserved it (12950)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally figured out tat wen a man says ( Maybe some oter time, I'll be busy ten ) more tan once, e really means ( I don't really want to see u again. I didn't tink you'd actually USE my number. ) fat FML

#5305557
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (30790)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:15am - love - by justplainsad (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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