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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

#2036328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34758) - you deserved it (2422)

On 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by gameguy3424 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89927) - you deserved it (21280)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28765) - you deserved it (133824)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
627 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22046) - you deserved it (253758)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

#2019418
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55450) - you deserved it (6907)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12667) - you deserved it (93607)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55666) - you deserved it (4437)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11264) - you deserved it (47918)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50502) - you deserved it (17277)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

#2009508
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49450) - you deserved it (3863)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27220) - you deserved it (82820)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

#2004555
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58330) - you deserved it (5340)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)



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