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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

#8013875
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12968) - you deserved it (53219)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by christian9294 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

#8012702
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6893) - you deserved it (46026)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

#8011432
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10601) - you deserved it (29433)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

#8011399
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28561) - you deserved it (2693)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

#8008205
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11255) - you deserved it (42229)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:19am - misc - by skinsfan7592 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

#8005552
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30564) - you deserved it (11890)

On 02/08/2010 at 6:24am - love - by dreamteam (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

#8001805
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32035) - you deserved it (8703)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

#7998625
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27775) - you deserved it (3670)

On 02/08/2010 at 12:41am - love - by mmvv - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

#7992828
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44414) - you deserved it (3857)

On 02/07/2010 at 11:03pm - love - by Hm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

#7989901
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28409) - you deserved it (5685)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

#7984912
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7184) - you deserved it (31606)

On 02/07/2010 at 8:56pm - misc - by 16seconds - United States

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

#7981374
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32589) - you deserved it (2699)

On 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm - kids - by grrrr - United States

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML



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