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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. Turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an add for a Siamese cat. FML

#8078249
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5684) - you deserved it (56325)

On 02/10/2010 at 1:39am - animals - by AUDONEE (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

#8074818
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20305) - you deserved it (5613)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by evecamp - United States (California)

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

#8069688
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33206) - you deserved it (3526)

On 02/09/2010 at 10:32pm - work - by nichaneely (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

#8067680
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10343) - you deserved it (40774)

On 02/09/2010 at 9:52pm - love - by caughttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

#8063037
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9520) - you deserved it (25898)

On 02/09/2010 at 8:16pm - health - by conchita (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

#8062082
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8986) - you deserved it (16600)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

#8052181
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9978) - you deserved it (36722)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by fbcaught (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

#8048706
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37597) - you deserved it (2825)

On 02/09/2010 at 10:43am - love - by safariboo - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet. And then fling it at me. FML

#8047557
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29513) - you deserved it (6334)

On 02/09/2010 at 9:56am - health - by caitplaysguitar (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

#8042799
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30742) - you deserved it (4134)

On 02/09/2010 at 3:19am - kids - by matchristityler (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

#8039687
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25705) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

#8038952
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (33547)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:50am - love - by Unknown (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

#8038027
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28565) - you deserved it (2933)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)



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