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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

#8042799
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (4133)

On 02/09/2010 at 3:19am - kids - by matchristityler (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to tell me. FML

#8039687
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25698) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

#8038952
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9965) - you deserved it (33547)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:50am - love - by Unknown (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

#8038027
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28560) - you deserved it (2933)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

#8031380
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34018) - you deserved it (2117)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:29pm - misc - by sweeeeet (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

#8026904
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32626) - you deserved it (3872)

On 02/08/2010 at 9:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

#8021510
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39790) - you deserved it (2858)

On 02/08/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by disasterbutton (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML

#8013959
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29430) - you deserved it (2883)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:24pm - love - by Chrissy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

#8013875
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12967) - you deserved it (53220)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by christian9294 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

#8012702
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6894) - you deserved it (46021)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm - misc - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

#8011432
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10602) - you deserved it (29433)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

#8011399
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28559) - you deserved it (2693)

On 02/08/2010 at 1:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

#8008205
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (42216)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:19am - misc - by skinsfan7592 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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