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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

#6613935
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34216) - you deserved it (3261)

On 12/05/2009 at 9:10am - misc - by thewallrules - United States (North Dakota)

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

#6613225
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25835) - you deserved it (11896)

On 12/05/2009 at 6:24am - misc - by someonesomething - United States (Georgia)

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22153) - you deserved it (2837)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

#6612451
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22895) - you deserved it (2154)

On 12/05/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoutoutloud2him (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

#6610013
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22771) - you deserved it (5896)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:29am - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

#6609748
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (3226)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:15am - animals - by Worsttreeever (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

#6608304
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7750) - you deserved it (32105)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Wino (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML

#6603639
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29279) - you deserved it (16240)

On 12/04/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

#6602285
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22940) - you deserved it (5984)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by dogless (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35402) - you deserved it (13889)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26606) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13388) - you deserved it (33683)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (6123)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)



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