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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I fell in a hole in my back yard and got stuck. My mother called the fire department. They all stood around laughing and taking pictures before they helped me. FML

#6420753
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (5263)

On 11/23/2009 at 11:19am - misc - by PaperInfection (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

#6420618
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39316) - you deserved it (2762)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

#6418903
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8558) - you deserved it (35634)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

#6417968
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28933) - you deserved it (2396)

On 11/23/2009 at 2:31am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

#6417611
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (6157)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by frenchgirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

#6416046
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (2537)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:09am - love - by apparentlyhesbusy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

#6415998
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (4361)

On 11/23/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by denise (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

#6415288
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31998) - you deserved it (3410)

On 11/22/2009 at 11:30pm - love - by petlover (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

#6413436
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15254) - you deserved it (5771)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by NotsexyEnough - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

#6411627
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7845) - you deserved it (24066)

On 11/22/2009 at 8:35pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML

#6408288
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28915) - you deserved it (2726)

On 11/22/2009 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

#6406630
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (2605)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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