FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

by jolene11 / 05/16/2010 at 10:24pm / United States / Love

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

by fatgirl / 05/16/2010 at 12:08am / United States / Health

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

by ihatelaura / 05/15/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2010 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

by prettybich / 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

by schwange / 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

by Teaching26 / 05/15/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

by bitten / 05/15/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

by superhero1043 / 05/14/2010 at 1:01am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me that she is only my friend because she is prettier than me and being my friend boost her confidence. FML

by fothermuckerrr / 05/14/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

by BigMouth McRedface / 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

by errints234234 / 05/13/2010 at 7:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

by Alicia / 05/13/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (California) / Animals