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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26605) - you deserved it (2989)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12990) - you deserved it (32886)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20631) - you deserved it (6123)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to take a test that's required to pass the class. The test administor told us that those of us who were wearing hoodies would have to take them off. I would have taken mine off, but I was only wearing a bra underneath. There's no other days I can reschedule the test. FML

#6595557
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33945) - you deserved it (13520)

On 12/04/2009 at 2:55am - misc - by wearashirt (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

#6594787
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36005) - you deserved it (2649)

On 12/04/2009 at 1:27am - work - by Chels (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

#6594646
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27821) - you deserved it (1906)

On 12/04/2009 at 1:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

#6594222
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24385) - you deserved it (3481)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by drama_queen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

#6594028
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (30996)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by wobbles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

#6593768
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53731) - you deserved it (2804)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

#6591482
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31055) - you deserved it (2353)

On 12/03/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by holla1787 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML

#6590388
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51074) - you deserved it (2230)

On 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

#6589221
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37079) - you deserved it (4039)

On 12/03/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Sub (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

#6587756
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32967) - you deserved it (3858)

On 12/03/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by preggo (woman) - United States



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