FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

by Relevance / 08/13/2010 at 12:03am / United States / Money

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

by Diana / 08/12/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

by Blueberrypicc / 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

by fullmoonfml / 08/12/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

by Jason / 08/12/2010 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

by ScarredEars / 08/12/2010 at 8:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at my friend's house, I noticed her brother had a bit of an accent. I laughingly said "Is it me or does your little brother have an accent?" She stared and replied with "No, he has autism." FML

by kggggg / 08/12/2010 at 7:00am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

by skyphoenix / 08/12/2010 at 5:03am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

by malos / 08/12/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Work

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

by Chris / 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous