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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

#6435138
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28905) - you deserved it (2872)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08am - love - by Yes (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

#6434122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24218) - you deserved it (11103)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41410) - you deserved it (3203)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

#6433676
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (3655)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:49am - love - by Lonely (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

#6433448
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (8307)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

#6433183
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28445) - you deserved it (4947)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:11am - love - by Face_loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8766) - you deserved it (25427)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

#6430848
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25540) - you deserved it (7431)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:03am - health - by cc (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

#6428684
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28857) - you deserved it (3830)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

#6427475
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7967) - you deserved it (24821)

On 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm - love - by pigglepigglepiggle (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

#6424170
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22914) - you deserved it (1991)

On 11/23/2009 at 7:07pm - love - by ssjin93 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

#6423121
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (5969)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by bleh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (4566)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)



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