FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

by Official_Person / 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

by Amb / 06/01/2010 at 7:56pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

by mugged / 06/01/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone broke into my car to steal $1.50. FML

by Brokeashell / 06/01/2010 at 2:47pm / United States / Money

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 12:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

by staciedee / 06/01/2010 at 5:49am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

by effme / 06/01/2010 at 2:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

by AbFlab / 06/01/2010 at 12:35am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

by anonomus / 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

by twnty1 / 05/31/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy