Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

#6691073
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9202) - you deserved it (34224)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

#6690600
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34064) - you deserved it (4637)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:04am - love - by soapysoap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7110) - you deserved it (27676)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

#6689235
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8613) - you deserved it (36419)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:41am - work - by souped (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

#6688829
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24573) - you deserved it (2552)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Melinda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

#6687460
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17592) - you deserved it (3870)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

#6686703
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (2452)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by MynameisntToby (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9038) - you deserved it (37635)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

#6682554
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32413) - you deserved it (2375)

On 12/09/2009 at 5:19pm - love - by Superficial (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

#6681986
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35247) - you deserved it (3920)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:06pm - love - by boogerbrain (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

#6681968
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24528) - you deserved it (5649)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

#6680888
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20797) - you deserved it (2037)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by aawkward... (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

#6680274
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6309) - you deserved it (43692)

On 12/09/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by her0x3her0ine617 (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: