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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

#21423092
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (2181)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:04pm - love - by Not Gay - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21422985
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24060) - you deserved it (2232)

On 06/08/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by firehurts - United States (New York)

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

#21422896
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25645) - you deserved it (2615)

On 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They reacted by simply lecturing me for an hour about how much he'll ruin my life and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

#21422783
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25495) - you deserved it (2210)

On 06/08/2015 at 11:08am - love - by howard1954 - United States (California)

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

#21422751
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24145) - you deserved it (4116)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by LZapped (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was excited because a friend had added me to a new Facebook chat consisting of my tight circle of friends from last year's summer camp. I then saw when the chat had been created. They kept me out of the chat for almost an entire year before deciding to add me. FML

Today, I went on my very first date. We went out to eat dinner and everything went great! Afterwards, I went to drop him back off at his house. I backed out of his driveway and got stuck in a ditch. His dad had to come out and tow me out. So that's how I met my boyfriend's parents. FML

#21422583
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23782) - you deserved it (3234)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:35pm - love - by firstdategoals - United States

Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML

#21422575
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (3026)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:13pm - animals - by terrified - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

#21422504
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22743) - you deserved it (2122)

On 06/07/2015 at 8:53pm - misc - by onionrings (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

#21422346
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21255) - you deserved it (3343)

On 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by unhappy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

#21422282
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24552) - you deserved it (1395)

On 06/07/2015 at 11:46am - misc - by MagnusDeus - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27997) - you deserved it (3124)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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