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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

#7174533
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (2905)

On 01/06/2010 at 12:24am - love - by lug_nut (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

#7174150
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6819) - you deserved it (23011)

On 01/06/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

#7170495
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24503) - you deserved it (3935)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06pm - work - by Mark (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

#7169187
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27641) - you deserved it (3497)

On 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

#7164896
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21132) - you deserved it (11448)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:24pm - love - by katiekat (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

#7164815
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7138) - you deserved it (30902)

On 01/05/2010 at 3:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

#7163475
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23953) - you deserved it (6220)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:58pm - misc - by SplashOuch (woman) - United States

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

#7163163
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5747) - you deserved it (70493)

On 01/05/2010 at 12:28pm - money - by handi-crap (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a phone call from the local utilities company, telling me in essence: "We regret to inform you that your meter was switched, and we have been billing you for an unoccupied unit for the past 15 months. You owe us $1123.28. We apologize for any inconvenience." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (3338)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14062) - you deserved it (30239)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that, although I was sick on the last day before break, they would still accept the 24 page essay that I had written. Tonight, as I went to print it out, I found that my dad had "cleaned up a bit" on my computer, including the documents from last semester. I have school tomorrow. FML

#7158571
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27917) - you deserved it (2860)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:18am - work - by Himynameisjacob (man) - United States (Kansas)



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