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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29458) - you deserved it (3645)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38929) - you deserved it (4136)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

#6967359
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (7261)

On 12/27/2009 at 1:30am - love - by reconnect (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

#6966351
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29645) - you deserved it (2566)

On 12/27/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Crippled (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

#6965324
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22901) - you deserved it (10612)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:44pm - love - by Kelly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

#6961000
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26523) - you deserved it (12341)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by blahppl14 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

#6960951
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (3103)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:34pm - work - by Humbug (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

#6960254
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27574) - you deserved it (7937)

On 12/26/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by thatguy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drove my mom home from the salon because she was feeling sick. I'm not the best driver, but I was excited that I was helping. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a bump in the road. My mom blew chunks all over. I found out very quickly that she had spicy chicken for lunch. FML

#6958875
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21602) - you deserved it (2705)

On 12/26/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by taylor_eileen - United States (Indiana)

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

#6958712
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25702) - you deserved it (2600)

On 12/26/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by Snow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out the gift card my friend gave me for Christmas actually has no money on it and was never purchased in the first place. FML

#6958051
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26782) - you deserved it (2091)

On 12/26/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by DeannaMarie - United States (Florida)

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

#6957410
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29100) - you deserved it (7668)

On 12/26/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8191) - you deserved it (85835)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)



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