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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

#8585714
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (2697)

On 02/23/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

#8583578
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26795) - you deserved it (7565)

On 02/23/2010 at 7:51am - misc - by medik - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

#8582830
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19362) - you deserved it (2821)

On 02/23/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by Cromwel620 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

#8578589
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20233) - you deserved it (10038)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by itsawonderfulife (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33170) - you deserved it (3266)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27246) - you deserved it (7073)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

#8563536
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25550) - you deserved it (4257)

On 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm - love - by notworthit (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

#8557720
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27341) - you deserved it (3421)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:43pm - health - by baconrash - United States (New York)

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

#8557301
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25178) - you deserved it (6417)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by quasimodo - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

#8557043
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31255) - you deserved it (2831)

On 02/22/2010 at 4:13pm - misc - by condiments - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13776) - you deserved it (21889)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

#8554799
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31419) - you deserved it (2251)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my dad screamed at me because I've been "spending too much money". He's been out of a job for 4 months and I've been giving him 300 dollars a month to help pay for bills... and his beer. FML

#8551677
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30737) - you deserved it (3041)

On 02/22/2010 at 11:38am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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