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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

#21443029
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (3702)

On 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

#21443019
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22061) - you deserved it (8737)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

#21442988
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (1683)

On 07/17/2015 at 10:59am - work - by yeah - United States (Oregon)

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

#21442921
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25144) - you deserved it (3274)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:00am - intimacy - by battle1 - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

#21442703
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21531) - you deserved it (5009)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:47pm - misc - by TheDarth (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend didn't break up with me, but his mom did. FML

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24292) - you deserved it (4290)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

#21442628
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24205) - you deserved it (2052)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

#21442569
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22606) - you deserved it (2464)

On 07/16/2015 at 1:03pm - love - by hayleediaz - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

#21442412
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25219) - you deserved it (2187)

On 07/16/2015 at 2:56am - money - by JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

#21442079
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24338) - you deserved it (2281)

On 07/15/2015 at 2:06pm - misc - by lesousterre - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25264) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)



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