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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

#21517022
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17082) - you deserved it (8286)

On 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by clostar - United States (California)

Today, a girl in my class introduced herself to me for the fourth time this semester. Am I really that invisible? FML

#21517019
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20810) - you deserved it (1691)

On 01/19/2016 at 3:07pm - misc - by Mr_Yato (man) - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

#21516843
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (1167)

On 01/19/2016 at 1:41am - love - by FML - United States

Today, a friend told me that when I read, I make all the expressions the characters in the book are making. Apparently, I have been doing this since I was a kid, and no one ever told me. FML

#21516742
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17959) - you deserved it (1915)

On 01/18/2016 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

#21516669
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22286) - you deserved it (1538)

On 01/18/2016 at 5:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my parents forced me to write a thank you letter to my uncle who passed away a week after Christmas. FML

#21516655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17342) - you deserved it (1107)

On 01/18/2016 at 5:04pm - misc - by Well, shit - United States (California)

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

#21516448
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (7118)

On 01/18/2016 at 12:18am - health - by 221bcompanion - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

#21516257
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20527) - you deserved it (3240)

On 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

#21516156
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18373) - you deserved it (9617)

On 01/17/2016 at 5:02am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

#21516140
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20953) - you deserved it (2475)

On 01/17/2016 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

#21516125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24969) - you deserved it (1522)

On 01/17/2016 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

#21516058
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22374) - you deserved it (5054)

On 01/16/2016 at 10:28pm - love - by Roll Tide of Tears - United States



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