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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23345) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

#21455882
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23106) - you deserved it (1959)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:08am - misc - by jonloran - United States (Nevada)

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20715) - you deserved it (1767)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24263) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

#21455672
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (1461)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:33pm - love - by hnnhyoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

#21455597
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21284) - you deserved it (2542)

On 08/13/2015 at 1:39pm - love - by fridgemylifee - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

#21455554
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (1470)

On 08/13/2015 at 10:54am - animals - by grace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

#21455438
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23524) - you deserved it (5096)

On 08/13/2015 at 12:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

#21455427
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22788) - you deserved it (2051)

On 08/13/2015 at 12:13am - work - by Highroller_17 - United States

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

#21455380
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (1890)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by jjjjjohn cena - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

#21455368
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19947) - you deserved it (4701)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

#21455220
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31603) - you deserved it (2033)

On 08/12/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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