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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

#21383398
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (2170)

On 03/29/2015 at 2:38am - misc - by Kryometric - United States (Washington)

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

#21383103
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27118) - you deserved it (1821)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:30pm - misc - by Pukey - United States

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

#21383075
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27028) - you deserved it (1957)

On 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28165) - you deserved it (3463)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

#21382751
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (1961)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:39am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

#21382737
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28990) - you deserved it (2120)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:16am - work - by people suck - United States (California)

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

#21382721
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29398) - you deserved it (2676)

On 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm - misc - by BirthdayBoy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

#21382684
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31902) - you deserved it (1926)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

#21382575
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27159) - you deserved it (4605)

On 03/27/2015 at 6:50pm - health - by Bonecrusher (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (5312)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

#21382482
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26798) - you deserved it (4090)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:09pm - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

#21382364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25305) - you deserved it (15810)

On 03/27/2015 at 11:27am - misc - by BERNDTOAST - United States (Michigan)



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