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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

#21416055
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28133) - you deserved it (2531)

On 05/26/2015 at 12:50pm - money - by Real Life Sucks - United States

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

#21416031
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26273) - you deserved it (2714)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:40am - intimacy - by shitty shit - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23972) - you deserved it (2274)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after being with my fiance for almost a decade, my future mother-in-law has been accusing me of being a gold digger because we want to buy a house together. She has conveniently forgotten her son was out of work for two years and I supported the both of us. FML

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12998) - you deserved it (41146)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

#21415827
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26722) - you deserved it (1639)

On 05/25/2015 at 11:50pm - work - by tmi4me - United States

Today, one of my regulars came up to my car in the parking lot. We talked through the window while I put on my makeup. He then asked for a hug because he won't be in for two weeks. I obliged and he was kind enough to slide his hand between my legs. He then gave me $50 not to tell his wife. FML

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML

#21415769
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23206) - you deserved it (2590)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:26pm - work - by A1NoSauce - United States (Florida)

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

#21415763
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24619) - you deserved it (1596)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by wrestling probs - United States

Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML

#21415518
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22522) - you deserved it (3277)

On 05/25/2015 at 1:42pm - work - by Frustrated - United States

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28596) - you deserved it (2050)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25224) - you deserved it (1526)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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