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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

#21462507
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19446) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/30/2015 at 9:29am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

#21462491
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25077) - you deserved it (2702)

On 08/30/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

#21462428
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18915) - you deserved it (1485)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:20am - work - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

#21462394
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17904) - you deserved it (1398)

On 08/30/2015 at 12:49am - misc - by Failed Artist - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

#21462353
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18420) - you deserved it (1177)

On 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by bornfromhillbillies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22855) - you deserved it (1944)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21590) - you deserved it (1493)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18530) - you deserved it (1817)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

#21462126
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16499) - you deserved it (1424)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm - work - by thegrandchawhee - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24045) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

#21461958
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11516) - you deserved it (16710)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22055) - you deserved it (1292)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19035) - you deserved it (3592)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)



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