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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML

#21436613
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20326) - you deserved it (1588)

On 07/05/2015 at 1:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

#21436510
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18872) - you deserved it (2483)

On 07/04/2015 at 9:48pm - misc - by Bad Dancer - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my family claimed that I haven't ever broken a bone because I don't do anything risky. I broke my arm by falling in the shower less than 2 hours later and my entire family thinks I did it to prove a point. FML

#21436352
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20158) - you deserved it (1671)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by hamurobby82 - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

#21436223
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20622) - you deserved it (3717)

On 07/04/2015 at 4:55am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21705) - you deserved it (2967)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

#21436113
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18151) - you deserved it (4246)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

#21436083
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23693) - you deserved it (2086)

On 07/03/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by okaydisarray (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML

#21436059
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20506) - you deserved it (3137)

On 07/03/2015 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

#21436048
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21143) - you deserved it (4138)

On 07/03/2015 at 9:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

#21436042
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19601) - you deserved it (5305)

On 07/03/2015 at 8:54pm - misc - by notquitejuliet - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

#21435950
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22758) - you deserved it (2923)

On 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

#21435904
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (2099)

On 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)



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