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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8837) - you deserved it (1274)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18289) - you deserved it (2108)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18362) - you deserved it (1413)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18203) - you deserved it (1872)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (1488)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

#21363220
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23781) - you deserved it (2047)

On 02/25/2015 at 9:18am - work - by mags89 - United States

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21997) - you deserved it (2230)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25379) - you deserved it (5255)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

#21362681
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27306) - you deserved it (1980)

On 02/24/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by xxruby - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

#21362620
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27536) - you deserved it (2338)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm - misc - by toastynippies - United States

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

#21362525
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22150) - you deserved it (1640)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:15am - health - by novaguy - United States

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (4107)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)



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