FMLs submitted from United States

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 11:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my orchestra teacher out and played with a double quartet for a faculty meeting. When it came time to introduce us, he called out the names of the seven other students and then admitted in front of everyone that he'd forgotten my name. I've been one of his top students for 3 years. FML

by theinfiniteend / 08/24/2016 at 7:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

by MrLonelyHertz / 08/24/2016 at 7:41pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

by StupidPets / 08/23/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 8:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

by Rowaelin16 / 08/22/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML

by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, not even 10 minutes into my job as a student teacher, I've had one student wipe boogers on me, another pee their pants, and a third won't stop crying for his mother. This is my first day. FML

by crazy_bananas / 08/22/2016 at 11:53am / United States / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the class I'm teaching, I assigned my students an essay to complete for homework. One student asked me if I was deducting points for bad spelling. I teach English. FML

by leah_kascar / 08/21/2016 at 9:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

by sillymink / 08/19/2016 at 10:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a pharmacist slut-shamed me for taking birth control. I'm still a virgin, and I only take those pills to help with my acne and period cramps. FML

by CyberPsycho / 08/19/2016 at 4:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.