FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

by justhatelife / 12/09/2016 at 9:49am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

by ryuuchild / 12/08/2016 at 7:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Years. FML

by dazedandconfused / 12/08/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

by Poorphone / 12/08/2016 at 12:23pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

by no / 12/08/2016 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

by Natsert99 / 12/08/2016 at 9:02am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

by Jersey girl / 12/08/2016 at 2:58am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

by alison89430 / 12/05/2016 at 5:35pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

by sadsadteacher / 12/05/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while at the movies, I started making my way to the end of the row so I could pee. Others moved to make room except for a man at the end. As I tried to climb over him, I tripped and fell on top of him. When I told him I was sorry, he just smiled and said, "Mmm, don't be. I enjoyed it." FML

by NewUsername / 12/05/2016 at 4:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally found out why all three of my roommates were ignoring me. They like to disinfect everything every time they use it, and I don't. They had a problem with that, so they were hoping that by not talking to me, I'd "notice something was wrong and change." FML

Today, I got an expensive drone for my birthday. My brother got a BB gun and thought it would be hilarious to shoot my drone with it while I was flying it. FML

by KingKralj / 12/04/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.