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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

#21398988
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9130) - you deserved it (1713)

On 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

#21398967
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9317) - you deserved it (626)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10341) - you deserved it (1076)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband admitted that he's been spying on me for the last 5 years to see if I was cheating, out of paranoia brought on by his own cheating for all 5 of those years. FML

#21398951
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11389) - you deserved it (682)

On 04/24/2015 at 10:12am - love - by LolaBell (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8785) - you deserved it (3636)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, teachers were pulling students out of class to announce valedictorian, salutatorian, and other awards for graduation. I got pulled out of class by one of them, and I got a little excited since I wasn't expecting an award. It was to tell me that my sister was staying after school. FML

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

#21398482
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25448) - you deserved it (1875)

On 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

#21398399
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25298) - you deserved it (4810)

On 04/23/2015 at 9:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

#21398349
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (1720)

On 04/23/2015 at 5:04am - work - by Old and Ugly (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

#21398217
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20157) - you deserved it (4188)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by englishornah (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

#21398063
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (1537)

On 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm - health - by biomajor99 - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that before you tell a blonde joke, you should make sure that your high school's 6'8", 275-pound, blond quarterback isn't standing behind you. FML

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

#21397916
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25212) - you deserved it (1841)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:44am - work - by cock blocked (man) - United States (California)



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