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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

#21523696
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8020) - you deserved it (566)

On 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm - misc - by Asian - United States (South Carolina)

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

#21523668
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8494) - you deserved it (1192)

On 02/07/2016 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by noO (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

#21523593
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12767) - you deserved it (907)

On 02/07/2016 at 2:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

#21523579
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16195) - you deserved it (824)

On 02/07/2016 at 1:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

#21523419
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16518) - you deserved it (2848)

On 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by notagoodtime - United States (California)

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

#21523317
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14751) - you deserved it (1272)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:56am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

#21523276
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16384) - you deserved it (1310)

On 02/06/2016 at 1:28am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

#21523219
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17617) - you deserved it (1334)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:24pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16323) - you deserved it (1598)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17021) - you deserved it (1646)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17082) - you deserved it (2253)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16599) - you deserved it (1512)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14635) - you deserved it (4055)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)



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